Happy birthday, Mom. I love you.
Category Archives: Relationships
“The secret is that being happy requires effort. It requires REAL intelligence. Anyone can judge someone else, say awful things about them & come up with some bangin’ insult which makes you feel triumphant — for ten seconds, anyway. But it takes real mental discipline & strength to decide to change your mindset, to see the positive in a world which CAN be so messed up. There is absolutely no point in dwelling on the negative, it just sucks you into a downward spiral, & life continues to get messier & more complicated.
The idea of changing how you view the world is a big one. A daunting one, to be sure. Where the hell do you even begin? As with anything big, you have to start with yourself & do the internal work first. There’s an old adage which says something like, “You can’t heal the world if you’re not healed yourself”, & it’s true. It might seem narcissistic or selfish or self-important to decide to tackle your own demons, but it’s really necessary. Otherwise you just end up kicking your own ass & self-sabotaging, & trust me, it gets ugly.”
I loved, and I lost. Years ago now, I met someone whom I loved in a way no one else understood, and despite circumstance and distance we fell in love. He braved the better part of the country to come to me. Three days of timelessness. Then disaster… well, near disaster. Narrowly averted disaster. Madness, violence, scrambling for safety. He was gone. He went home. I tried to put pieces back together any which way they seemed they could make sense. I swam upstream. And I drowned. I drowned because I got tired and gave up. And the thing is, when I went under I didn’t feel released… just dead. And he, rightfully, left me for dead. Now we live in parallel worlds. We exist but never communicate. I’ve written him… Haven’t heard back. He moved on a long time ago. I’ve moved on too. Fully resuscitated. Actually, life is better than ever.
But I still wish I would check my messages one day and find one from him that says he’s well and happy and it’s all okay…
–verb (used with object), -tat·ed, -tat·ing.
to revive, esp. from apparent death or from unconsciousness.
[Origin: 1525–35; < L resuscitātus (ptp. of resuscitāre to reawaken), equiv. to re- re- + sus- sus- + cit(āre) to move, arouse (see cite1) + -ātus ate1]
re·sus·ci·tate (rĭ-sŭs’ĭ-tāt’) Pronunciation Key
v. re·sus·ci·tat·ed, re·sus·ci·tat·ing, re·sus·ci·tates
To restore consciousness, vigor, or life to. See Synonyms at revive.
To regain consciousness.
[Latin resuscitāre, resuscitāt- : re-, re- + suscitāre, to stir up (sus-, sub-, sub- + citāre, to move violently, frequentative of ciēre, to set in motion; see kei-2 in Indo-European roots).]
I used to do a chair routine in all the Eyeful Tower shows. I originally found said chair on the curb, I can’t quite remember where. I sanded it, reinforced any loose or weak spots, primed and painted it in an artistic fashion, and used it in my routine. Then my ex set it on fire. Literally, took it into the yard and poured gasoline on it and set it on fire. The legs are burned off. I still have it. I can’t seem to get rid of it. I think I’ll take it apart and use the pieces that are salvageable and build something new. Kind of like I’ve been doing with my life.